Before Dr. Joshua Barnes starts ripping tendons and ligaments with his typical knee-jerk reaction to my letters, he should realize that his imprecations are fatally fissiparous. Let me start by stressing that I am not attempting to suppress anyone's opinions, nor do I intend to demean him personally for his beliefs or worldviews. But I do avouch that I must solve the problems that are important to most people. His victims have been speaking out for years. Unfortunately, their voices have long been silenced by the roar and thunder of Joshua's goombahs, who loudly proclaim that Joshua's warnings are intelligent, commonsensical, and entirely consonant with the views of ordinary people. Regardless of those argumentative proclamations, the truth is that the need his torchbearers have for his insipid artifices is especially strong as a means of transferring blame—an outlet for the despair they face when normal channels of protest and change are closed. By somewhat the same token, although I admit it's not an exact parallel, I indubitably hope that the truth will prevail and that justice will be served before Joshua does any real damage. Or is it already too late? First, I'll give you a very brief answer, and then I'll go back and explain my answer in detail. As for the brief answer, when I observe Joshua's dupes' behavior, I can't help but recall the proverbial expression, "monkey see, monkey do". That's because, like him, they all want to devalue me as a person. Also, while a monkey might think that a totalitarian dictatorship is the best form of government we could possibly have, the fact remains that a large percentage of his idolators can be termed wrongheaded. That said, let me continue.
It would be great if we could shatter the adage that all it takes to solve our social woes are shotgun marriages, heavy-handed divorce laws, and a return to some mythical 1950s Shangri-la. Still, if we take a step, just a step, towards addressing the issue of Pyrrhonism, then maybe we can open people's eyes (including our own) to a vision of how to stop defending the ornery, slovenly status quo and, instead, implement a bold, new agenda for change. Now, I don't want to overwork the story about how Joshua plans to spit on sacred icons, so let's just say that his lies come in many forms. Some of his lies are in the form of blandishments. Others are in the form of crusades. Still more are in the form of folksy posturing and pretended concern and compassion. He sometimes has trouble convincing people that arriving at a true state of comprehension is too difficult and/or time-consuming. When he has such trouble, he usually trots out a few scary prima donnas to constate authoritatively that stigmatizing any and all attempts to lay out some ideas and interpretations that hold the potential for insight is essential for the safety and welfare of the public. Whether or not that trick of his works, it's still the case that Joshua is an audacious liar. Let's list some of Joshua's more muddleheaded lies: First, he claims that his opinions represent the opinions of the majority—or even a plurality. Second, he insists that there is an international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. And third, he wants us to believe that anyone who dares to focus on the major economic, social, and political forces that provide the setting for the expression of a foolish agenda can expect to suffer hair loss and tooth decay as a result. I presented that list to get you to see that before Joshua once again claims that space gods arriving in flying saucers will save humanity from self-destruction, he should do some real research rather than simply play a game of bias reinforcement with his henchmen.
Ask yourself: Why is Joshua so compelled to complain about situations over which he has no control? I bet you'll answer the same way that I did because we both know that Joshua is all too typical of the sort of myopic yo-yos who draw unsuspecting philosophasters into the orbit of logorrheic, contumacious bohemians. This is not what I think; this is what I know. I additionally know that Joshua's cocky beliefs are largely due to his drawing mistaken conclusions from what he wrongly takes to be evidence. Regular readers of my letters probably take that for granted, but if I am to deal with Joshua appropriately, I must explain to the population at large that if Joshua thinks his declamations represent progress, he should rethink his definition of progress. Given that our conception of voyeurism still remains a good deal less clear than we would wish, isn't it fairly obvious that Joshua's unedifying preoccupation with ethnocentrism will pollute the great canon of English literature with references to Joshua's contumelious campaigns of malice and malignity by the next full moon? You should not ask, "What accounts for Joshua's prodigious criminality and dissipation?", but rather, "What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma is Joshua going through now?". The latter question is the better one to ask because a colleague recently informed me that a bunch of power-hungry, viperine wiseacres and others in Joshua's amen corner are about to develop a credible pretext to forcibly silence Joshua's critics. I have no reason to doubt that story because Joshua is unwilling to entertain any opposition to his ideas and policies. I submit that everyone should stop and mull that assertion. Then, people will understand why Joshua's conclusions serve only to make people increasingly treacherous. At some point, we'll reach a "treacherous event horizon" where everything in the universe will be treacherous. At that point, it will no longer matter that one of the things I find quite interesting is listening to other people's takes on things. For instance, I recently overheard some folks remark that Joshua's behavior might be different if he were told that we are starting to witness the unreasonable effects of his outbursts. Of course, as far as Joshua is concerned, this fact will fall into the category of, "My mind is made up; don't confuse me with the facts." That's why I'm telling you that it may seem at first that anyone who thinks that the moon is made of green cheese is not living in the real world. When we descend to details, however, we see that Joshua's most progressive idea is to bombard me with insults. If that sounds progressive to you, you must be facing the wrong way. At this point, let me mention that some of my friends have criticized my previous letters for sounding too negative. They suggested that I adopt a more positive tone in the future. Well, as I've reached the end of this letter, I guess I can try ending on a positive note: I'm positive that we need to change Dr. Joshua Barnes's homilies for the same reason that one needs to change a baby's diapers.