I am writing this letter purely in the spirit of uplifting and sharing, as corny and dated as those sentiments may sound in the fast-moving and ever-evolving modern techno-plastic times in which we live. Primarily, I want to share with you my view that the Mathematics and Statistics Department has neither honor nor integrity, nor even knows what those words mean. To get immediately to the point, no one likes being attacked by what I call ethically bankrupt, mad fiends. Even worse, the Mathematics and Statistics Department exploits our fear of those attacks—which it claims will evolve by the next full moon into biological, chemical, or nuclear attacks—as a pretext to reap a whirlwind of destroyed marriages, damaged children, and, quite possibly, a globe-wide expression of incurable sexually transmitted diseases. If you think that's scary, then you should remember that the Mathematics and Statistics Department's cause is not glorious. It is not wonderful. It is not good. The Mathematics and Statistics Department will damage the debate about this issue in that we will have to spend lots of time correcting misunderstandings that are directly attributable to its philosophies.
Above all, the Mathematics and Statistics Department's army of jackbooted marauders is a breeding ground for scabrous, gormless busybodies. Courage is what we need to seek some structure in which the cacophony introduced by the Mathematics and Statistics Department's statements might be systematized, reconciled, and made rational—not politeness, not intellectual flair, not cleverness with words, just courage. And it sometimes takes a lot of courage to look a ribald, out-of-touch crumbum in the eye and tell him that the Mathematics and Statistics Department is completely versipellous. When it's among plebeians, the Mathematics and Statistics Department warms the cockles of their hearts by remonstrating against sadism. But when the Mathematics and Statistics Department is safely surrounded by its surrogates, it instructs them to exploit the public's short attention span in order to pit race against race, religion against religion, and country against country. That type of cunning two-sidedness tells us that I don't know what bothers me most about the Mathematics and Statistics Department. Is it its specious arguments, its illogical reasoning, its obscurantist claims, its unreasonable speculations, or any of the many forms of pseudoscholarship we see in its prank phone calls? In any case, the Mathematics and Statistics Department proclaims at every opportunity that it'd never uproot our very heritage and pave the way for its own lewd value system. The organization doth protest too much, methinks.
I have always assumed that by the irresistible force of involuntary conviction, people everywhere will one day offer a framework for discussion so that we can more quickly reach a consensus, but the fact of the matter is that the Mathematics and Statistics Department will probably respond to this letter just like it responds to all criticism. It will put me down as "daffy" or "prodigal". That's its standard answer to everyone who says or writes anything about it except the most fawning praise. The Mathematics and Statistics Department's jibes serve as a stepping stone to world government. And who will compose that world government? A ruling class consisting of disingenuous schnorrers and the worst types of childish, censorious thugs there are. Sorry for going on for so long about the Mathematics and Statistics Department. I guess I just have a burr under my saddle from seeing the Mathematics and Statistics Department promote a cantankerous emotionalism.
Why do you have a complaint about my company on your Web page?